Think With Your Heart

As the title of this post states this is NOT a feminist rant (mostly because I hate what modern day feminism has become), I just want to be clear on that, it is however an observation on the differences of how men and women are treated in everyday life. Whether it’s in the grocery store, walking to your car or on a job site. I’m going to use my experience on a construction site I worked at but it happens in other ones obviously as well.

First there’s just the way that men feel the need to comment on anything a woman does when they wouldn’t do the same to a man. I went to the liquor store the other day and carried out a couple bottles of liquor and was walking to my car with them, a man was standing by his vehicle and I had not even glanced in his direction (not out of snobbery or anything but he wasn’t in the direction of my car and I was trying to open my door) he commented “Looks like someone’s going to be drinking tonight” or something along those lines. It’s a harmless enough comment I suppose, I wasn’t scared nor did I feel threatened but I did have to turn around and say “What?” because I had no idea anyone would be talking to me as again I hadn’t even glanced in his direction. I just don’t think he would’ve said something had I been a man. That is my most recent interaction but there are multiple instances where that happens.

I was in a convenient store the other day picking up a case of sprite, I was standing in line behind a guy, he looked at me and what I was holding and said “That’s a big case of sprite.” I just said “Yep.” Again it’s another harmless comment but he probably wouldn’t have said that to a man. If my boyfriend had went in instead of me I bet he wouldn’t have said a word.

I was at the grocery store and was going through the self checkout. I had a few things in my cart and a bag of dog food on the bottom of the cart. It was just me shopping. I had lifted the bag of dog food off of the shelf and put it onto my cart all by myself. I had an earbud in and left one out (in case someone does need to say something to me and so I can be aware of what is going on around me) and ringing my stuff out. The guy that works for the self checkout part walked up to me (the only woman there at the time) and says “Hey how are you today?” I respond with the usual “I’m good. How are you?” He says fine and then continues “Are good things happening today or bad?” I pause my music at this time and say “Nothing bad just grocery shopping.” He then turns and goes to see if there is anyone that needs help. Didn’t talk to anyone else though like he did me. He then comes back “Did you get the dog food yet?” I had not because I was waiting until I had everything else done. I reply “No, not yet.” He just cuts in and is like “I’ll get that for you,” and types it in manually, I appreciate the gesture I suppose, he’s trying to save me from having to lift it an extra time, but I just have to pick it up to put in my car and then take back out and bring into my house. I just felt it was an unnecessary thing and again do not think he would’ve done that had it been a man.

My boyfriend does construction work and I had been looking for a job, my boyfriend suggested I apply at his work and said that I’d basically have no problem getting the job, I was hired and worked with him for about two months. One of his main concerns about me working with him was that if guys hit on me, he was going to get pissed. I only really got hit on once but the difference between how I was treated when I was on my own and when I was walking around with my boyfriend was so different. One of the biggest things was when I was fire watching (it is exactly as it sounds lol) I watch to make sure no fires start when someone is welding or grinding, most every guy that passed me would make some type of comment along the lines of “What a fun job,” obviously in a sarcastic way but then some would go even further and feel the need to try and strike up a conversation as if to save me from the boredom. One, I doubt they would make any type of boring job comment to a man and two, I’m trying to do my job and I’m sure you have work to do so thanks but I don’t need a conversation. Another thing was if I was just walking somewhere and I was by myself a lot of guys would give me a head nod or say “Hello, how are you doing?” or some such thing I’d politely say “Fine,” but I noticed when I was walking with my boyfriend no one did that to him unless they knew him and no one did it to me, even if it was a guy who had done it to me multiple times before.

Also, another thing that irritated me was that not many people wanted to actually have me work. When my boyfriend taught me things and let me do actual work everyone always said something like “Wow, you’re making her work?” or “You’re working her too hard,” I for one was super excited to actually do work and you wouldn’t say that about any guy. Also, it’s a job that’s what I’m there to do, work.

When I was younger I used to work at a campground with my best friend. We were working together and we were behind the counter where we checked people in to their sites and served ice cream and things like that and since it was during the summer, it was quite hot. One time a man came in and was checking in or getting ice cream or something but he decided to strike up a conversation with the two of us. He talked about the weather and how it was only supposed to get hotter as the weekend went on. My friend and I agreed and were just trying to get on with working. This guy then continues to say “Yeah you should really wear your bathing suits to try and stay cool,” That was by far one of the most ridiculous/infuriating comments a man has ever made to me. He definitely would not have said that to any of the guys that worked at the campground.

I say all this not so much as a feminist rant again, but just as a general observation of how differently women are treated versus men. I listen to Jen Kirkman a lot whether it’s her podcast, her comedy specials, her Facebook stories, or reading her books and she talks a lot about it and it really made me think about it and I notice it too. I will say however, I could do without the small talk and thinking that I can’t or shouldn’t have to do something because I’m a girl. I’ll let you in on a secret, if you tell me I can’t or shouldn’t you can bet it’s going to make me do it or try that much more. I am the most stubborn, spiteful person when it comes to things like that.